The Bordellos free download Sampler track by track rundown

I have released this 6 track mini lp , for two reasons in this time of self isolation everyone needs something to distract themselves and what a better way to distract yourself but with the magic of music , i hope this ep will introduce some people too the strange world of the Bordellos and lead them to investigate we have hundreds of songs . the ep is free and i think gives good value for money [its free].. and gives six good reasons [without blowing my own trumpet] why i feel the Bordellos will one day be seen as one of the great lost bands probably i will have long left this Mortal Coil[not the 4ad band i add]by then but hopefully Dan will be able to bask in the glory.. so here we have six tracks to entertain you .
Arthur Lee
one of the last songs recorded by the six piece Bordellos ,we where not getting on at this point well i was not getting on with Geoff the lead guitarist and producer in fact i was getting on his tits , there were a couple of attempts at this at one point if i remember correctly in the middle of this fine piece of garage rock Geoff and Gary had worked out a ill fitting piece of U2 pomposity which they recorded whilst i was away on holiday , i told them to scrap it as it was shite and to follow the script it was a tribute to Arthur Lee for gods sake not the stench of a Bono fart .but to be fair to Geoff he had never heard of Arthur Lee or Love the next attempt to record it was the one and final version you have here apart from they had put some strange effect on my voice which made me sound like a whitewashed cunt ,i do not mind sounding like a cunt but not a whitewashed one . so at this very strained recording session i insisted that i would only answer to the name the Baron and walked around holding my pants in a fashion that it looked like a pair worn by a world war two fighter pilot and insisted on recording the vocal once again and i did so whilst still holding the legs of my pants in the airforce position whist imaging i was a world war fighter pilot fronting Manchester faves the Charlatans…i think it turned out great in the end and can be found on our debut Songs For Swinging Stalkers lp ..thats if you can find a copy its getting as rare as hens teeth.
this one is really a solo track and has never been previously released ,it was part of a demo of songs i had written in hope i could get Cilla Black too record .as i am a huge Cilla fan i wrote a full lp of songs for her and actually managed to get  a copy of the songs to her via my son Dan who was in a noise duo with her nephew [its a strange old world].sadly she never recorded them .she had retired from singing it seems . which is a shame as a psych Cilla lp would have been great . this is one of my favorite songs i have written and really is crying out to be covered by some 60s like female vocalist . the Belgium band the Winter Tyres recorded a fine version which can be found on their Bandcamp .
Hit It
this one was written by myself and Dan me the music Dan the lyrics one of the very few we have written in that way , recorded and released on our Kassette album released on Small Bear records . this one features our sadly lost Jesus and Marychain plastic whistle which when blown sounded like the 1st Jesus and Marychain lp times 10 ,one of my favorite Bordellos tracks as it sounds like we are having fun .which we were .
This track was recorded just myself and Geoff [we were getting on at this point ,he is in fact a lovely bloke ]and i was still managing to keep my inner Mark E Smith at bay . this was recorded in his room in a shared house he lived and recorded live onto a mini disc player [remember them] i played the acoustic and sang and Geoff the bass.influenced by late 60s early 70s psych folk and Julian Cope this ended up on our second album Meet The Bordellos .


Gary Glitter
oh how we had fun recording this our ode to the difficulties that arise being a Gay Glitter fan , its as nearly shaming as admitting you like Morrissey . the lyrics to this i remember writing in my head on the bus going down to Ant’s to record, Dan met me there i explained i had a semi written song proclaiming my love for the music of Gary Glitter did he fancy singing it ,so we worked on the music together dan diving into the project with relish spending a fare amount of time trying to get the piano sound that can be heard on Bowie’s Aladdin Sane lp to tinkle away in the background . handclaps ,out of tune backing vocals from Ant ,crunchy guitar heavy drums scary synths collide i think to great effect . Dan’s vocal is ace he is to my mind the finest vocalist in new music today . this can be found on our How To Lose Friends and Influence No-one . which can still be downloaded for free from Small Bear Records Bandcamp .although the cd to this masterpiece has long gone.


The Loneliness Of The late night Shopper
I love this track one that shows the beauty of working with your son , i love the way the harmony vocals flow together on this , i think it has a bit of a Sarah records feel to it . i think maybe because of Dan’s keyboards . a song written many years before recording it and influenced by seeing a old woman sweep away some broken glass outside her front gate as a man in a velvet jacket walked past clutching a empty shopping bag . its funny how a simple image can turn into a lovely flowing pop song . this was included on our Life Love And Billy Fury lp released on Recordiar Prin label ..
so please feel free to download this sampler 6 track mini lp and gets your friends to do the same and stay safe .

Track by track rundown of the Idiot Blur Fanboy – Oasis Are The Enemy album

Idiot Blur Fanboy
This song starts with a lie the first line is “this is the darkest thing on spotify”this lp is not actually on spotify but if it was it could well be
a song of self worth and knowing what you are doing you are doing for yourself  which is just as well as nobody else cares or are listening it is a song from the underground a call to arms for all the outsiders who’s great and original art is ignored and pushed aside by faceless pleasant whitewashed copies of human beings who like their art made by faceless pleasant whitewashed copies of human beings.
Cabbage Patch Doll Kiss
I will let you decide whether this is a love gone wrong song between two people or two dolls  or a doll and a person  ,it is dark it is twisted  it is screwed up ,just like the two people performing it  at the time, i must add the first four tracks on this lp my son Dan plays various instruments and sings harmony vocals. .. this is very influenced by  Syd Barrett . who is also mentioned in the lyrics by the way.
Special Brew Can Man
a song influenced by living in st helens and the bus stop where i catch my bus and all the street people who hang around that end of town ,Special Brew Can Man may be homeless but he really does not give a shit. .and is this the only song where the word Phlegm appears in the lyrics.
In My Bed
This maybe the darkest song i have ever written and maybe also one of my best it really is heartbreaking and made even more so by Dans quite stunning harmony vocals . a song of loneliness ,depression and uselessness .
Summer of Stereolab
a song of memories jumbled into a fading light
Liam Gallagher
I really do not like Oasis  for many reasons one being Liam Gallagher and there is not one thing i say in this song that is not true ,my guitar playing on this is really shit by the way .which i really like about it.. i use a Epiphone Casino on this lp  for those interested in such facts.
Melody Hymn
quite simply a love song to the power and beauty of music ,  this song very influenced by the Go Betweens  and one i hope one day to rerecord with a full band .
Rick Astley
another song of heartbreak but where the power and pull of music saves the day ,so not quite all doom and gloom
Wavy Gravy Man
imagine a old man sat in a cafe on his own but happy in his loneliness watching people pass by the window getting on with their everyday business he has his memories and dreams to lose himself in.
Guitars And Dust
“The past was never ours and the future looks bleak”is a line from this song that sums up my musical journey of thirty five years ,one of many songs many records made and one of very little success if any. but a song that tells of no matter how deep financially you sink .you will carry on writing songs until you have run out of guitars to sell to pay the rent.
Oh Morrissey
Morrissey was a wonderful pop star ,The Smiths meant so much to so many people of my generation  to many where the 80s Beatles when you would look forward to every single release he spoke to so many with his fine lyrics  . but jump to present day from the clown prince of indie to the pantomime dame of the right wing . over the last few years as the quality of his records fall the more outspoken and unpleasant he becomes if his next few lps carry on with their awfulness expect to see him sporting a Hitler moustache and bad combover .
this lp was recorded on a old tape 4 track  and has all the wonderful tape hiss and crackles one can expect . it is available on ltd cd priced only £4.50 or can be downloaded for £2.00 released on the wonderful Wormhole World records

Brian Bordello – The Liverpool Hipster Scene Ep

This ep was recorded on Saturday 30th of November 2019. the house was empty i was on my own i had the oncomings of a bad cold and could not stop shivering .  i was originally going to record a lp but the way i was feeling put stop to that and who listens to lps anyway. plus with my could not be bothered attitude heightened by my shivering old frame only added to my lack of care with the recording . which to be honest i am not renound for my pristeen recording techniques the only thing i share with Brian Wilson is the Brian and of course the gift of writing heavenly melodies . So i got my old 4 track out sellotaped the mic to the stand as i cuold not find my usual stand so a old one with sellotape did the trick apart from when the tape came off and sent the mic crashing to the floor hence the sudden abrupt ending to the opening track The Girl Next Door .I suppose i could have rerecorded the track but i do like to only do my songs once and any calamities forgetting of words wrong chords only add to the lofi beauty of the songs .
1 The Girl Next Door – a song written influenced by the great liverpool songwriter Jimmy Campbell the first of three influenced by the great man on this ep. i love 60s beat bands so i intend to rerecord this track with a full band and bring out the chiming 60S  beauty of the song . in a studio no less sometime in the future . this song concerns no matter how much you love your partner they will never be the mythical girl/boy next door that the Shangrilas love to sing about in their pop melodramas
2 .The Liverpool Hipster Set – a song concerning the  new breed of hipster who who stroll the streets of Liverpool who try and be different by dressing the same. the same tight to baggy jeans the neatly trimmed beard the vaping cig which smells of some fruit or other . the hipster who goes to gigs so they can talk through their favourit bands ,who they have all the vinyl by . not records but vinyl . they never play them but will show the girl they wish to impress the sleeve whilst they play the album on spotify. they will buy overpriced scran ]not food]from some eatery that will taste like a rotting vagina .they will quote from a local badly written blog or even worse write for one. more money than sense what they lack in style they make up for in stupidity.
3/The Bloom  Of The Wild  – a love song to your soulmate past present or future knowing they are out there somewhere “and we will sing a duet i will be Lee and you will be my Nancy yes” another song influenced by Jimmy Campbell a song i can imagine being performed by his early seventies power pop band Rocking Horse ..and another song i plan to rerecord with full band and give it a mid sixties Dylan like a Rolling Stone feel.
4- The Poetry Of The Dead -a love song yes another one this one a love song for all the people who tread their own path to all the outsiders the poets the geeks who are not afraid to lead even if no-one is willing to follow. I wanted t be Julian Cope as i sang this but sadly i could only be myself .
5- TragicMagic Tragic  The final song and one i wrote as i sang and recorded it again very influenced by Jimmy Campbell the kind of doomed love song he wrote so beautifully.. in fact this lp was released on the 12th of Feb because it was the anniversary of his death .
This ep can be downloaded from all the usual download sites and streamed at all the streaming sites here is the Metal Postcard bandcamp link
and here is the spotify link

Its like watching a crab with a limp pt 11 the Christmas Edition

Its Christmas  shouts Noddy to no-one in paticular , just to whoever is in the empty room at the time, the Christmas music tv channel flicks from old to new from Bowie and Bing to some x factor never was  . but it still makes the ex pop star smile she had her 5 minutes of fame all those years ago she had her time on christmas Top Of The Pops presented by Sir Jimmy Saville he gave her a Christmas kiss but turned down the chance of devouring his yuletide log he had younger turkeys to stuff anyway .
She gets through this loneliest time of the year by throwing crumbs to her social media sycophant followers who emerge from her vagina wrapped in her greying pubic hairs  like tinsel on the well worn seventies style fake plastic tree that stands in the corner that the now grown up children loved all those years ago. Ex pop star wonders i have all these likers on my facebook page but nobody buys my records anymore .she recently played to a half empty church hall in the middle of London no more than 30 people there to watch her perform her new lp and her hit from the good old days and what a hit it was ,a track that sprinkled fairydust over the old transister radio speakers one that the melody could make the coldest of hearts melt that is the pop star who her social media followers remember not the approaching pension age lady with so many memories and scars of 40 years in the biz who sings with the pain and beauty that is becoming of a lady of her age .
She flicks back to her facebook page and sees she is tagged by someone she has never met as being with and once again the gurning face of Sir Jimmy appears on her facebook wall as she dances and twirls as a twenty year old girl with her whole future ahead of her , damn fucking youtube its so fucking heartbreaking.

its like watching a crab with a limp 1- 10

its like watching a crab with a limp the sound of yesterdays hits being played to the ever decreasing circle of not really giving a rats arse. wannabie music bloggers taking photos of their scran and asking is there any new music they should be writing about but cannot be bothered looking for themselves after all that is why labels employ pr firms to send out stale tired witterings of a press release which is ideal for copying and pasting with a link to the offending piece of product attached . its not the bands fault for they are the poor fuckers who live and breath for their art apart from the ones who don’t and just want a mention on the bbc  by some drone of a dj who is just after fingering the pretty lead singer of some local new band wide eyed and hopefully wide legged a few minutes panting between them is all he asks for a promise of a session after all one session deserves another one to be listened to the other to be wiped as far as possible from the pretty lead singers mind . The picture of the scran is now gaining likes on his facebook page by band members hoping to like the photo of the food will be enough for the offending and offensive so called writer to cast some attention to the bands new lets call it shoegaze or psych or whatever is popular nowadays piece of well polished downloadable disposable fools gold of a t rack lets not call it a song as  that would be pushing it to far. it would be stretching a point ,i know what point the local bbc dj would like to be stretching and who he would like to be helping to to achieve full length you play his 7 inch and he will play yours thats the way  the cookie crumbles the way he rolls. Music blogger has added a picture of his pint it is gathering even more likes after all who does not like a picture of a pint on facebook especially a music bloggers pint that pint will be pissed out by a mighty man who will be able to give your band a push up the ladder a push into the arms of the local bbc dj he will be able to copy and paste a press release of yours and call it music journalism he will be able to get matey and wax lyrical about the great rock stars the Liam Gallaghers and others he knows he will like if he can ever get around to listening them on spotify if he needs to write about them there is google after all so what if he made Leonard Cohen’s obituary sound like he was a thinking mans Tom Jones it was google fault they should get people who know what they are writing about . he is getting bored now counting the likes of his pint is there anything else he can take a photo of is there anyone in the room who may make a happy selfie couple maybe he should have a dessert everybody loves a tart ,well the bbc local dj does then his mind starts to drift to his mighty music site and wonders is their any anniversaries of any lps released when did Radiohead release that strange lp nobody liked at the time that must be due a reavaluation he has not heard it but knows somebody who has he can get them to write about it ..  shit that lp was released 19 years ago you cannot write about a lp unless it is 5/10/15/20/25/ it has to go up in fives it cannot be fucking 19 . never mind . he will have another pint then head off home to listen to the local bbc dj playing the introducing show maybe he will play someone he can google and write about or maybe he will just play bands he has introduced his cock to .

its like watching a crab limp – he really is a contempteous little fucker with his cunty beard and his holier than thou thought that he is the be all and end all of everything of the cities music scene if he does not like it ,it is not worth listening to. why on earth should he write about something if a record company is not involved to send him a huge box of chocolate bars to feed his ever growing fat face . He is not going to travel out of his own personal ego to some dead end town where they probably do not serve Lester Piggot flavoured Frappe or whatever is the current drinking want of the aging hipster . not that he is aging its just the world getting younger . His city is were it is happening this is the place to be this is where it is happening .apart from its not it is where it was happening over 30 years ago when the city was dying on its arse. when the air was filled with revolution when the city was holding aloft two fingers to the bigwigs from the capitol shouting screw you . fanzines filled the record shops that stunk of vinyl dust and magic ,the place were teenage dreams were hatched and futures were planned now it is swamped with nostalgia where every street corner has a statue of one of its many favourite  sons ,favouriet sons who on the whole could not wait to get out of the place and weave their magic further afield. Not that he cares about that he is more of a Oasis man they really new how to carry a tune they changed his life they set him on the way to become the lack of the man that he is today a man who knows how to big himself up as the all powerful gnome  all ironed checked shirt baggy jeans and and the personality of a stale fart .he once was featured on a local tv news report and was called a music journalist and if it is on tv it must be true .thats what he tells himself anyway as he lies in his bed alone at night wrapped tight in his quilt and self loathing.

it is like watching a crab with a limp  he reaches for the pop phone it is glowing red it must be urgent a famous rock star must be dead he is the captain Marvel of rock journalism he is there to be admired he has the punk rock haircut the muscles the fine chiseled jawline previously only seen in DC COMICS he has a direct  line to the head of all the radio tv stations whenever a dead rock star or cult personality dies he is there to  unveil and to use his super powers to sprout the obvious and he does at every opportunity to the uncaring and unkowlegable general public. He was their first call when Bowie died it was he that told the early morning breakfast tv watchers that “it was a sad day for music”and “that he  was really influential” and other such limp platitudes .
But he is a god other much frailer music writers bow down to the superior being ,lesser mortals do not have the power to reinvent the past and to take credit for discovering every major band of the last thirty years he says the only reason he did not discover Elvis was he was not yet born  not everyone is Captain Marvel not everyone has his super powers to self promote even Doctor Loveless the former writer at Drowned In Shit is in awe of the colossus how the camera makes love to his face how the radio melts under his manly tones. how bands would love to feature in his mighty blog/magazine how they would love to be reviewed by him and have their guitar sound described as angular it would make everything worthwhile just a uttering from the mighty one the one they call Captain Marvel would swap every well written piece about their band just to have their music described as angular by Captain Marvel.

Its like watching a crab with a limp –

Boggy undresses the memories of yesterday as he casts his eyes  to his phone screen as he loads a post on the local band page and wonders,how can one not be the obvious heir to the gap left in the leaden frump glory stake market by the demi gods that were Oasis , they wear the right clothes they are true lads they are not fey or poofy they drink pints and call each other mate and stare at girls arses when their girlfriends/wives are not looking they have marshall amps and write songs with a lack of wit or verve ,they really should be up their rockin Glastonbury to the core not playing at Punch Tarmys to a audience of pissed rugby fans who love it when they throw in  Beatles songs as long as it is one of Johns and not that wimp Mcartney the big eyed cunt making music with melodies and invention he’s a right tosser.
Eight years ago they were being tipped for big things in the local paper they even had a photo ,looking cool and serious why is that bastard not playing them on the local bbc introducing show Boggy uploads a new song every 30 days sends the  local bbc introducing Dj a message every now and again on facebook likes his posts even sends the occasional smiley face he can not just get his head around it they are better than that fucking scouse band with the singer with the big tits Local BBC introducing Dj plays them all the time.
Life just is not fair Boggy’s band gig all the time they play the pubs  the working mens clubs.they get a good reaction mostly unless they are playing to cunts like the lanky streak of piss  lead singer from that fucking strange underground cult band who get fucking played on the BBC and receive reviews from Captains Marvel#s blog and are considered as local legends that lanky streak of piss said he made us want him to saw off his dick and throw it at us just to relieve his boredom and to make us stop playing. he cam’t even be arsed tuning his guitar ..what a loser..
Life really is unfair maybe the next single will be the one its about mods and rockers done a video with motorbikes the guitars are top we look cool in the gear we bought from Liams shop i look top .boss , dogs bollocks .wish i could get a record label involved but they are just to deaf have they not heard of Oasis ..Boggy shakes his head sighing takes a swig from his can of lager gets up picks up his guitar thinks Nongo will be here in a bit to take them to soundcheck .should be a top night they will smash it as always .. but just why have we not made it ,it is enough to make you depressed but i am not gay enough for that.. tossers.
its like watching a crab limp – good old cunt face all leather trousers and mop top memories .he will look back of these days of being a small fish in a even smaller pond with a elastic smile and think those days were mint they were the days when i was young and played in a very average generic indie band that made Jake Bugg sound like Eddie Cochran a band so unoriginal we should have been called Werthers Unoriginal we really were a pile of old cack .thats what you should think but will think we were mint those girls loved us they would have loved their mouths be filled with our cum which i suppose is better than their ears being filled with their music.but who am i to judge you toured supporting a second rate brit pop stars 20 years after the event the kind of band old Chris Evans would play and is their anything more damning than that. am i being cruel well actually yes you are to thick to deserve such written carnage thick misguided poor young sod but you have your Fender Jag to cling to you have that and the knowledge that you rocked it you topped the bill at a local all day music festival ,you played your original unoriginal songs to a 100 or so pissed up locals who would not look out of place in a lynch mob in a 1940s Frankenstein film . you went into a studio and recorded a lp that never got released as you grew impatient and was slowly being ground down by the music industry lapped up and spat out young boys that thought they where the dogs bollocks when in fact you were just bollocks . as young people do you thew a strop announcing your split like one might announce they were closing their facebook page  but you then realized that nobody really cared so you got back together and acted like you where doing your adoring prepubic public a favour i am holding my breath till you announce the date of the release of your much delayed debut lp . .. oh how i cannot wait i am sure it will be top.boss. mint. i am sure you will have smashed it i am sure absolute shit radio will love it that radio proper music [guitars only]will make it lp of the century and your head/ego will expand to such a extent that your mum will have to have a extension built … i wish you all the luck in the world .as you will need it as your music is a pile of wank.
It was like watching a crab limp – The all powerful gnome licks his lips this scran looks boss he thinks to himself .gets out his phone and points it at the plate . great scran .real bosster music and total hipsterswing surroundings boss bloody boss he does a silent belch and says to his pal average indie cabbage” this is fucking boss” average indie cabbage replies” boss fucking boss” the dynamic duo are enjoying the opening of the brand new venue in town the place were hipsters will hang and discuss the meaning of their pointless plastic make believe image of what their life is truly not  the place were they will let their original 80s sony walkman hang from their pocket which will hold the latest cassette [blue] by  Dormant Shadow the new all girl three piece who carry their love of xylophones to new and orgasmic heights.
“i am going to do a piece about this in TIT [This Is Top ,the largest and most important [although poorly written] blog in the North west of England]”boss idea” average indie cabbage replies whist shoving a fork full of sweetcorn jelly surprise into his mouth but spilling most down his Scooby Doo t shirt . The All powerful gnome laughs “thats not boss ,thats anti-boss”
“poor Scoobs” .
Captain Marvel holds court by the mirror fighting the urge to beat his chest in a Tarzan like manner everytime he catches a glimpse of his perfect reflection “this place ain’t half bad ,i am so pleased to have discovered this i am going to have to do a feature on this in Kalmer than Karma “[the largest and most influential blog in the North West Of England [although poorly written] . “i wonder what time the band is on”Captain Marvel says to the Local BBC  Introducing DJ “anytime now i am just about to introduce them ” Local BBC Introducing replies whilst ushering Violet Witch onto the stage giving lead vocalist Violet a friendly tap on her behind and whispering in her ear “do you fancy a session ,will talk about it later”
Violet strums her jazzmaster guitar and launches into perfect indie jangle “boss ” The All Powerful gnome and average indie cabbage chime together , will have to do a piece on how i discovered Violet Witch thinks Captain Marvel “nice arse” whispers Local BBC Introducing Dj
ts like watching a crab with a limp – vinyl reviewer snob .looks at his slim pickens the postman has brought today . its a tragedy how he very rarely gets sent anything decent  just bloody soundcloud streaming links and download links . how can one listen to music on a laptop ,he has a multifunctional record player that cost him three quarters of a million pounds to buy it has all the magic music possesses trapped into the speakers  one could hear a pin drop on ,one of his major regrets that nobody has yet dropped a pin in a recording studio if one had he would surely have heard it on his speakers.
it is the way of the world now that music cannot live up to his three quarter of a million pounds music center , he remembers the good old days when record labels were run by gentlemen not these days though they have all the class of a missed oppotunity of a shag in a back entry with a once average looking girl called Sian who let life among many other things get on top of her. He cannot remember the last time he got sent a box set to review or even a re-release of a old Pink Floyd  album with extra tracks and sleeve notes one can read and ignore the dull backwater slush of Floyds over stretched ego take flight and come landing down in the living rooms of the now wealthy hippy as no-one else could afford the price of the reissured vinyl double [lets call it a box set as we will give it a ltd number] ,he would be happy with a Gerry Rafferty Flexi these days but nothing .His reviews once meant something they were the crowning glory of many a prog band release those days before punk came along and offered the lie that it was ok to come from a council estate and make music . Those were the days if you wanted to know about music you would have to read a music publication one  that left print on your fingers and smelt of adventure and dreams. the writers like himself had to know about music and have a love and passion for the artfom now any chancing joker can start a music blog and call it TiT [THIS IS TOP] and take photos of ones food and post it on social media as a byline to the latest release he has been paid to feature in his blog.Vinyl reviewer snob looks at his mighty collection of vinyl lps this is what matters rows and rows of lps all alphabetically filed two copies of each one for playing the other for looking at ,thats how it should be ,he feels sorry for bands of today who cannot afford a vinyl release the music might be great [although it never is last new band he enjoyed was Marillion].but he will never own it it will never be part of his mighty vinyl and begrudgingly cd collection [kept in a another room out of sight],these bands of today expecting people to pay for downloads it costs them nothing [rehearsal rooms ,recording studios. musical instruments. equipment .van hire .petrol ]how good can it be if they are not signed to a record label . not worth his time not worth the wearage of his hundred thousand pound stylus. ..  how he longs for those days of ink on your fingers and when they new how to make a concept album.
Its like watching a crab with a limp Lanky  middle aged cult band poet walks around slum town soaking up its lack of atmosphere killing time before it is time to spend another morning at work were he will daydream of one day being able to make some money out of this music lark , his music publisher jokes it is only a matter of time that he will be discovered and proclaimed the songwriting genius he is in no doubt is only problem being he will either be dead or too senile to care. Music publisher only half joking suggested that he does not try and record his new lp on a old electric kettle with frayed lead and try using a studio with a producer and everything. of course offering this suggestion only in semi jest brings it all home to him just how little hope he has of ever competing in this day of sparkle and shine blandness were the urge to try something different is frowned opon were the urge of artistic integrity is seen as self sabotage as willfully not wanting to succeed , when in fact Lanky middle aged cult band poet wants to succeed with a passion he longs to turn on the radio and hear one of his songs limping out of the radio like a old three legged dog with a strange charm that even the hardest of hearts could not fall in love with . he wants to succeed but on his terms .he does not want to have to agree with the boss brigade at top music blog in the Northwest TIT [This Is Top] or like one of the All Powerful Gnomes facebook pictures of some boss scran to curry favour[even if it is not curry] from the all consuming one [he consumes all boss scran] to get a write up [no matter how badly written ].Deep down he knows he has done himself no favours with his cult forthright views telling local BBC introducing DJ that he played and talked shit was no great career move if he had big tits and a vagina and thirty years younger he may have gotten away with it Local BBC Introducing dj likes his young women to talk dirty to him. Lanky Cult Band Poet looks at his phone ,it is time to stop the wandering around Slum Town avoiding stepping on the homeless in the doorway to the luxury flats that few can afford and those who can do not want to live in and head into work were the serious business of daydreaming can begin.
its like watching a crab with a limp – you sometimes do not know the pain the other person is feeling so you sit and watch the cabbaged light sore fly into the fading darkness of a non known beauty scab a picked pleasure of no-one’s enticement . just s sure fly prize guy way of looking at things so Argos Wank fingers his keyboard as he attempts to play along with teenage you tube girl as she strums her Christmas acoustic guitar ,how is she not a star thinks Argos Wank she is beautiful she has pert little tits and a smile he would love to wake up to every morning he loves it when she covers” Get Lucky” if only he thinks.
Argos Wank is not a peadophile he just comes across as one, he may be in his late 50’s but he knows a thing or to about music he appreciates a pretty face and a pretty voice how he would love to start his own record label he would not just release his own prog dance easy listening crossover music . but also music of the young you tube starlets he both comes and cums across he would call his label Sticky Keyboard and release music on all the platforms all the download and streaming sites would feature his you tube crushes , maybe he could produce and arrange their music become the modern day Phil Spector or Joe Meek he has his own bedroom studio and knows a thing or two about production he produces his own music after all . he has his savings he took early retirement from teaching music in that girls convent school after there was that misunderstanding with one of the six formers . Just how hard can it be starting a record label he needs to give something back to music .there is just to much talent not getting the attention they deserve and he is ready to give them the attention they deserve ..fuck it he thinks i am going to start Sticky Keyboard records . as he reaches for another mansize tissue.
its like watching a crab limp – it was a slim birched tongue witness that delighted in the beauty of her second song, all unwrapped kisses and forgotten fairytails wrapped in the bubblegum wrapper of mystic flake bliss . She was there to entertain to sing the songs that make her life worth living to bring the curtain down on all the saddness in  her life . Her memories both haunt and taunt her  twist her so badly that she has trouble sleeping at night . how she wishes she could ask him one last time what was it like what was it like to being love with the prettiest girl the girl one day he would marry or thought he would marry ,but she put paid to that falling for the rock n roll rebel part James Dean part Sid Vicious , he played bass in the Lost Rats the then up and coming psychobilly goth outfit from The Pool Of Life but that was so long ago now he has not been part of her life since he ran off with Plane Jane the girl with bingo wings .how she hated the both of them .and how she regretted treating the lanky cult poet the way she did ,he was such a beautiful soul with the talent to both amuse and delight she has never stopped loving him but she fell in love with someone else who she thought was a better bet someone who could offer her all the rock n roll excitement a girl could want, all lanky cult poet could offer was the shy smile and inner warmth only a man who worshipped the ground she walked on could offer ,what a fool she was . she still occasionally sees him and when she does she misses those late teen years of being in love with the most handsome man she ever set eyes on , and how she hoped she caught all the wayward feelings of torture and bliss in her second song  “oh  You Sexy Cunt you “

Its Like Watching A Crab With A Limp pt 10

its like watching a crab limp – it was a slim birched tongue witness that delighted in the beauty of her second song, all unwrapped kisses and forgotten fairytails wrapped in the bubblegum wrapper of mystic flake bliss . She was there to entertain to sing the songs that make her life worth living to bring the curtain down on all the saddness in  her life . Her memories both haunt and taunt her  twist her so badly that she has trouble sleeping at night . how she wishes she could ask him one last time what was it like what was it like to being love with the prettiest girl the girl one day he would marry or thought he would marry ,but she put paid to that falling for the rock n roll rebel part James Dean part Sid Vicious , he played bass in the Lost Rats the then up and coming psychobilly goth outfit from The Pool Of Life but that was so long ago now he has not been part of her life since he ran off with Plane Jane the girl with bingo wings .how she hated the both of them .and how she regretted treating the lanky cult poet the way she did ,he was such a beautiful soul with the talent to both amuse and delight she has never stopped loving him but she fell in love with someone else who she thought was a better bet someone who could offer her all the rock n roll excitement a girl could want, all lanky cult poet could offer was the shy smile and inner warmth only a man who worshipped the ground she walked on could offer ,what a fool she was . she still occasionally sees him and when she does she misses those late teen years of being in love with the most handsome man she ever set eyes on , and how she hoped she caught all the wayward feelings of torture and bliss in her second song  “oh  You Sexy Cunt you “

Occult Character – Chittering Noises

Here we have the brand new Occult Character lp . yes another one, this time a all acoustic guitar affair ,once again proving my previous claim correct that Occult is the most important songwriter in the USA today 13 songs in 15 minutes strumming through short songs dealing with the subjects of abortion ,having the shits, being nice to people,among many others all written and sang in Occults inimitable style.
What i love about Occult Character is his point on accuracy of his lyrics and his talent for finding the bizarreness of everyday living especially him contemplating and commentating on life in a Trump led America with a verve and shambolic dark humour all of his own.This album and the  sister piece lp to  this  “The Cult Of Ignorance” released on Metal Postcard Records earlier in the year should  be downloaded  by all American Schools and stored away and in ten years time played to the students as part of their American History lessons. This is another must have album of 2019 and may come to be seen as one of the most important and influential and considered a cult classic in the years to come .