One mans Joy Division is another mans Wombles

Do we take other people’s opinions on music to seriously ,is there a point in making lists of the greatest albums ever for it is all just opinions? the new greatest 500 albums list in Rolling Stone is just an example ,people getting uppity because Sgt Pepper is not number one or that there are not enough Doors albums in the list or that Hairy Stys is in there at all . People all have different taste i much prefer the Wombles to Joy Division for instance, but that like i said is personal taste , Kraftwerk leave me cold to me is has the aural appeal of standing at traffic lights on a wet day or sunny day even, they just bore me rigid , i am not saying they are not a great band as i am sure they are but not just for me , i know people who honestly do not like the Beatles and they are my favourite ever band ,but i can understand why they do not like them ,maybe for the same reason as i don’t like Oasis and post Syd Barrett Pink Floyd because i think they are shit. It is all down to personal taste .The Clash another good band but are they really that great to me they are just like Showaddywaddy but without the colourful jackets and brothel creeper shoes ,which again is no insult as i like Showaddywaddy they are a fun time pop band and The Clash are just the same just painted by banksy and not Rolf Harris they are both influenced by 50.s rock n roll after all.That is what is so magical about music it moves people in different ways songs that can move me tears can make my wife want to move to another room , my latest album in the space of 10 minutes one person told me it was a raw and beautiful another told me it should have been called The King Of Crap as it is seriously terrible and do you know what both people were completely right as that is there opinions ,do we really need people telling us what is good as what is not , have we not got ears and minds of our own to decide what we like and what we do not like. do we need people to tell us that one was not as good as such and such?  and who on earth has the right to say that if you like something you are wrong to like it ,does it matter that i think New Order are at times laughably bad and that at times Shakin Stevens is laughably genius like ,it does not matter at all ..just use your ears hearts and minds and like what you like there should not be a phrase guilty secrets as you should never feel guilty about liking what you like.

BabyBird – The King Of Nothing lp review

I always look forward to a new album by Babybird and let’s be honest i do not have to wait for long as they appear on what seems like a weekly basis ,i enjoy prolific artists ,but i never feel they quite get the acclaim they deserve maybe the too much of a good thing syndrome   ,Babybird certainly does  not get the acclaim he deserves album after album of beautifully written songs , songs full of darkness humour and despair  and i am pleased to say the latest release is no different songs that cover every aspect of everyday life like a kitchen sink drama in a musical form from the strange darkness of being in love and the passing of time expressed quite stunningly in  “Feel”  “when i look into the sun knowing that it is too bright and i’m blinded for a second but it feels like my whole life that is how you make me feel”  a quite wonderfully written song and just one amongst many ,he is such a great lyricist you can lose yourself in his words. But all is not dark there are signs of light appearing the “The Greatest Thing” and “Vacuous” being upbeat radio friendly melodious guitar pop songs and the beautiful “Three Little words” is almost 10cc like . There are just so many lyrical gems hidden away in wrap around melodies that this lp is a pop scholar’s dream “someone drilled my eyes tattooed a pretty sky” from the ballad “love Life ” is just one of many , “North Of England is almost Ray Davies like in its lyrical Brilliance a quite wonderful album ,but was we expecting it is Babybird after all , there will be another next week .

A Revaluation of a Album not written recorded or released .. see you in 50 years

A revaluation of this album is way overdue ,although it has not yet actually been made yet ,or even written and recorded but it is worthy of such high teary-eyed worthy praise or will be in 50 years. it was not recorded in the very summer were the air was filled with sneezes and people finally rose up and decided that black lives mattered ,the music scene was in turmoil as they could not find a new band to write about apart from Fontaines DC a band John Robb had discovered living down the side of his garden shed and delighted in their average indie wares and all other blogs followed suit as the bequiffed one was never wrong with his championing of the average and easy on the ear guitar strumming mediocrity .
This album was not recorded in the summer as the blog editors wanked themselves to sleep over the coming October when they could wax lyrically about the behemoth that was Oasis “what’s The story Morning Glory” as it was approaching the 25th anniversary since it was released , yes 25 years since Oasis stomped over anything that had the whiff of art about it and told the masses that dumbed down Slade c sides with a hint of the Rutles would be good enough for the music press of the day to praise to high heaven ,how they needed something to write about  since a true musical talent had the temerity to blow his head off with a shotgun  , . This unwritten recorded lp is well worthy of praise as it has  everything one wants in their revalued album , it sold loads of copies or would have if it was ever recorded or released ,it was well reviewed or would have been if blogs reviewed new music  ,which they occasionally did if pushed by a pr firm with an over cliched press release behind it which they could then reprint changing the odd word [if necessary ]if all the correct buttons were pressed in the press release calling the lp “urgent” or describing the bands last offing as “critically acclaimed” which normally means nobody bought it or heard it but their mum thought it was quite good. then that press release is a winner.
How the blog editors of today wish that this unrecorded album was unrecorded 50 years ago as then it could be all over the first page , The Quietus or one of the likeminded artier blogs could break out their dictionary and get a middle class former six form lecturer to spill his politically correct over composed previously read and stolen thoughts about the album ,the less artier could call the album” truly boss ” and get on with ogling the back side of the pretty undergraduate who is trying to make her way in the music biz. yes this unrecorded album is a true gem a lp that can be described as a game changer or could have been if ever recorded , how this unrecorded album changed the writer’s life ,living in Pontypool with only ferrets for company ,how this unrecorded album showed there was a way forward and now years later here he is living with another human being another music lover  ,ignoring the music of the day but still a music lover .
This unrecorded unwritten unreleased album is the kind that is podcast worthy is internet zoom worthy is the kind like-minded music writers can talk knowledgably about, knowing that this gem of an album was unrecorded and unreleased 50 years ago so plenty has already been written about it ,or would have if recorded and released , everybody who enjoys their zoom gathering can nod along knowing all the tunes of by heart whilst collectively stroking each other’s chins and massaging their ego’s and fine taste ,it might even be worthy of a twitter listening party hosted by a lovable old rogue who once had a twinkle in his eye and a song in his heart . .. lord how this unrecorded unwritten unreleased album deserves a revaluation .. see you in 50 years.

Brian Bordello -ThE King Of No-fi lp track by track run down

This lp was recorded on one track of a 4 track tape recorder ,both vocals and acoustic guitar or acaustic guitar as i call it going into the one mic , it was my Applause Ovation guitar if anyone is interested ,yes it is as close to both Applause or an ovation i ever get . . these tracks was recorded in June or July ,i cannot quite remember but we where all still in full lockdown and i was feeling quite relaxed and nostalgic and pretty happy ,which i know may shock some that i am ever happy ,so i think the lp actually catches that feel ,as none of the songs were written beforehand and i just recorded whatever came out of my mouth and my fingers ,so there was no going back and rewriting certain lines or verses or such as normally happens when i write songs, So these try and capture the soul or the moment of the songs invention .So as i said i was in a nostalgic happy frame of mind so i feel the songs may have got that quite relaxed feel ,i am currently recording another lp in the same way , but i am feeling a little unhinged and not quite there with my cough drops at the moment ,so this new one called “The Cardboard Box Beatle” is completely different and maybe unlistenable ,so may not yet get to see the light of day . but this is about The King of No-Fi . so lets crack on. .

1 Sing Along – this was actually the 1st song recorded ,and was influenced by the wonderful American Songwriter Occult character ,who writes and records wonderful albums singles ,all the time ,he is forever releasing material of all genre’s ,folk.hip hop .punk. synth pop . its all wonderfully written ,so this song one of the few angry songs on the lp was influenced by him you should check him out . here is his bandcamp .  he has also had a number of releases on Metal Postcard records and one on Small Bear Records.

2.Rock N Roll Is Dead – ah another slightly angry song ,maybe i was not as laid back as i thought i was ,one of my favourite subjects the death of true rock n roll ,debauchery is no longer pc you see , can you imagine the Cramps of this musical generation ,my god ,there would be no “Can Your Pussy Do The Dog” it would be may your vagina accept access from that chaps penis please . i am so glad i was young when i was ,i do not feel my music was made for these times . when a thrust of the lyrical sworded tongue is frowned opon blogs find me easy to deal with by ignoring me as they do not like difficult.and intelligent. . this song has also since been recorded by the Bordellos for their next album with  more rock n roll raunch and more lyrics and bite.

3/ Scarlet Blue – a song that probably sums up the feeling of the lp the first line is “fill one side of a d 90 tape with songs that remind me of you” which i suppose i was doing making this album.. a snapshot of a memory of a old lover just one snapshot that can be revived by the magic of music ,like a overheard whisper screaming from your stereo.

4/ Nostalgia Is In The air – my favourite track on the album and probably one of the few that might get played on the radio ,Andy from the wonderful band Salam trials said the guitar on this was almost professional sounding, i must be slipping. i suppose this song is a love song to nostalgia a thing i love and hate in equal measure , this song is actually about being nostalgic for things you never got around to achieving and how the time does fly by .

5/In My Dreams – a slightly dark song i think ,about what i am not to sure , i think maybe about growing old and missing people that are no longer with you ,for whatever reason “i Wish she was still around so i could say goodbye”…i do like that the guitar on this in the fade out or the chorus as it reminds me of the Elvis Presley hit “Maries The Name Of His Latest Flame” ,did i do this on purpose knowing it was going to be called  The king of No-fi and be released on the anniversary of Elvis’s death.. i do not know.

6/Motherfucker- i expect i was not in the brightest of moods when i did this one or maybe i was .but whatever mood i was in it will not be a radio hit .

7/ lone Piper – just who is the lone piper , maybe my second favourite song on the lp a simple song about a simple man who plays music very few people will hear or care about but it will always be there to keep him company ,this one has a lovely melody and a chord sequence i cannot remember ,must be one of those strange hands falling onto the guitar neck chords we do by accident and cannot repeat , a song that captures the moment i think..

8/So sad – this song is actually called So So Sad ,but i missed off a so when sending the tracks to Metal postcard records , as i did not want it to be titled the same as one of my fave Everly Brothers songs “So Sad”. but whatever will be will be as the angel Doris once said , in fact i can hear a Everly Brothers influence on the track  one of my greatest influences on my music and songwriting , a song about missing one of the few people who actually got you and loved you for the strange person you were/are ,and there are not many of those in one’s life.

9/ The Velvet Underground- a song about the Rolling Stones ..only joking , a tribute to the wonderful Lou Reed and his merry band of game changers that was the Velvet Underground ,the band that made it cool to not sell any records .. just how cool must the Bordellos be.

10/ Banana Splits – another song about looking back to your childhood days when all that mattered was  ,what was on tv and what you where having for tea and was it going to rain and who was number one that week on the charts . the pre-teen years of no responsibilities ,,this is my Disney Girls obviously not as good as the Beach Boys classic ,but who knows in the right hands could be , i actually wrote this with the lovely talented Bloom De wilde in mind and i was her as i recorded it ,as i often do imagine i am someone else when recording or writing a song . quite often it is Julian Cope or John Lennon or even PJ Harvey ,but no it was the talented little songstress Bloom . who’s great new album can be purchased from here .

11/True For you – another oh how i have cocked this relationship song up , in a throway matter a quite throwaway song , one i can imagine being performed in the 80s in a indie pop jangle kind of way . a Sarah records meet Subway records release perhaps . any jangle bands out there please feel free to take a stab at it.

12/ Paint Yourself  – my tribute to Rolf harris .. only joking . a song about loving your own eccentric ways ,a song about going your own way with life and not just following what everybody else is doing . be it art, music, film , fashion sense, sexual persuasion ,just be your self as you only live once.

13/God Bless You Jesus- not a religious song or is it ,i cannot decide , a song i can imagine being redone with a Salvation Army band backing  a song of hope maybe. .”i don’t believe in god but i need to believe in someone”

14. Changing Minds Through song- a song written and recorded on a Saturday afternoon in the middle of  all the black lives matter riots demonstrations going on around the world ,so was obviously on my mind when recording it , a musical argument with myself was whether there is any point trying to change things through my songs as nobody listened to my music ,so was there any point , djs do not play it .blog writers very rarely write about it .so i am only singing really to myself ,and also djs shy away from playing songs with points of view unless they were recorded in the 60s so did not really count . and is that why bands /artists shy away from sharing their political views ,in case of annoying their fan base ..

the lp is available to download from   alongside many other download sites .. or can be streamed from



.so please do , and tell your friends . as this is a word of mouth album i think ..







Whats The Bloody Point

It is like flicking a grain of sand into the Atlantic Ocean releasing new music today without any money behind you it does not even make a ripple never mind a splash no matter how small .you may as well not bother ,it does seem like  nobody gives a shit about your music and that is not necessarily true it’s because nobody is hearing it . you really need mass radio and press coverage getting on loads of Spotify playlists to make any impression and for that you need money to pay the pluggers the pr agencies or have a big or established record label behind you. you may get half a dozen or so reviews if you are lucky by spending hours emailing your music out to all and sundry and the odd radio play on an internet or local radio/community radio show or even an odd play on one of the bbc introducing shows  , but the bigger blogs radio stations will not even consider you they are far too big for unsolicited emails from bands and small labels ,they would rather review/feature an artist already with a following  to get the readers clicking on their website so they can generate more income from future advertisers ,selling advertising is the name of the game and get the readers to donate money through paypal to keep the blog running and old music and established names are what  the readers are interested in , for that really you cannot blame the blogs to pandering to peoples lack of interest in new music ,especially in these troubled times when getting anyone to spend money on anything is getting more difficult especially on non-essentials like art .
So how can one achieve some kind of reaction to your music ,it is not even as if you can go out and play gigs and do a launch show for your new release at the moment and by the time, we get close to any kind of normality ,if we ever do again, how many venues will still be open and how many pubs/bars will have the room for putting on bands. the last three venues the bordellos played in Liverpool have all now closed their doors for good ,even the Cavern is struggling and i am sure it is the same all over the world ,so the pandemic is not really helping matters but even before then it was becoming an uphill struggle to get your music heard .
More and more blogs are calling it a day and ceasing to exist specialist radio shows are being culled by the stations, young people are pulling away from music as an entertainment and getting swept away by the Instagram friendly culture were if it is not aesthetically pleasing it does not catch the eye or ear , substance is being eroded by packaging ,for example certain magazines have refused to feature my new lp as it is not available as a physical product[how i hate that word] although liking the album ,does holding the thing in your hand make the music sound better. would people not like to know about a musical release because they cannot hold the music in their hands as they listen ,no it is just the way things are going .let’s be honest about this the underground music scene which is the lifeblood to the whole music business is being kept afloat by enthusiastic amateurs, from small blogs ,to record labels ,to djs,,promoters and this gaggle of enthusiastic amateurs are slowly losing their enthusiasm and walking away ,because of the lack of support and apathy of others at a time more than any other we should be supporting each other ,at one time i am old enough, maybe too old to still be caring about such things ,but at one time i remember when bands, artists  ,fanzines , promoted nights used to support each other ,they use to take the piss out of each other and slag each other off but you would still go and see the band or go to another’s night or read another’s fanzine/blog or listen to their latest music and tell others about it. but sadly, that seems also to be a thing of the past it has become more mercenary only looking out for yourself i still try and share others music on the social media of today and will write about new music i come across ,even record labels and artists cannot be bothered sharing reviews on their outlets they have received off blogs ,these blog writers are quite often just passed a SoundCloud link and asked to review their new release with no monetary gain or even thanks ,do these record labels ,artists not think that these writers enjoy people  reading their reviews and want as many people reading their work and visiting their blog as the artist they are writing about want people listening to their music , do they think radio djs do not want thanking and the radio show sharing on social media in hopes it can pick up some new listener’s so it will not be culled in a station shake up.
Maybe we have reached that sad point when the Diy/punk ethos no longer exists and people like myself who have lived it and breathed it over the years have decide enough is enough and have decided to walk away from it all and reached the point as the great Kennth Williams last entry in his diary read .. WHATS THE BLOODY POINT.

Track Influences- Magnum P.U.[drummer from the Legless Crabs] 10 tracks that influenced my music.

My name is Magnum P.U. (real name: Phillip Ulysses Magnum) and I have been the drummer for naivé rock outfit The Legless Crabs since we formed in early 2020. I’m 22 year old and grew up listening to my dad’s classic rock CDs — you know, Nirvana, Nine Inch Nails, In Living Colour, Liz Phair, etc. Frankly I wasn’t aware rock n roll existed before 1992, until I met the Crabs’ lead singer/guitarist El Borko at a Sweet Frog we both happened to be vandalizing at the same time back in late 2018

. El Borko, who is 4 years older than me and once lived in Austin for 3 months so you know he has cred, is legit like a suppository of outsider music history. He taught me about his rock heroes, The Shaggs, Wesley Willis, Hasil Adkins, Larry Fisher…but not Daniel Johnston, who El Borko claims is the reason he had to leave Austin.

When we met the Haircut (Haircut Augustus, our bassist) doing community service after we got caught vandalizing the Sweet Frog (The Haircut was still a minor so the reasons for his community service are sealed), he turned both of us onto the Jesus and Mary Chain, “the only band that matters,” as he puts it, and we quickly decided to form The Legless Crabs.

None of us owned any instruments or even knew how to play, but we decided that shouldn’t stop us from becoming, as the Haircut calls us, “the only other band that matters.”So after finishing our community service time, and once we finally earned enough from working at the Sweet Frog to buy our own instruments, we all quit the same day and started cranking out hits. We are learning to play as we go, because frankly, if we learned to play first, civilization may collapse before we were actually able to release anything. Now we have 36 songs released on Bandcamp over the last six months, each one better than the last. Or at least as good.

So here’s ten tracks from ten LPs I adore that we played for each other and said, “yeh, let’s try to ape that.”

Essentially, every Crabs song starts with us trying to do a Shaggs or Wesley Willis cover of a Jesus and Mary Chain or Pussy Galore song. So the Shaggs’ “Philosophy of the World,” Jesus and Mary Chain’s “Darklands,” Pussy Galore’s cover of “Exile on Main Street,” and Wesley’s Willis’ “Greatest Hits Volume 2” were all in heavy rotation during the early weeks of recording the first Crabs releases.

The Shaggs: “You’re Something Special To Me”

J&MC: “Darklands”

Wesley Willis: “They Threw Me Out of Church”

Pussy Galore: “Just Wanna See His Face”

For the instrumental tracks we’ve done, we thought, “what would Mogwai sound like if they were unfamiliar with their instruments?” And then we pressed record. Each of us are Mogwai fans and each has their own favorite album, but mine is “Young Team.” “Like Herod” makes me jump every time it kicks in.

Mogwai: “Like Herod”

Unlike Mogwai, The Legless Crabs try to keep our songs brief, and in that regard we were very much inspired by Robert Pollard and Guided by Voices. Pollard’s most recent output with the current line-up has been pretty formidable, and is as good or better than anything he’s released in the past, including the classic line-up years. Of the most recent stuff, my favorite is “Warp and Woof.”

GBV: “Cohesive Scoops”

Bill Rieflin passed away back in late March and his drumming for bands like Ministry, Nine Inch Nails, and REM has been a real influence on me in that I’d really like to play like him one day. But drumming is hard! Have you ever tried to keep a beat? It’s not as easy as it sounds. Rieflin played electronic drums alongside drummer Martin Atkins on the excellent Ministry live album, “In Case You Didn’t Feel Like Showing Up,” which is one of the best live albums ever.

Ministry: “Stigmata”

Speaking of REM, The Haircut ripped the bass line we used in “Turd Immunity” from their song “Circus Envy.” “Monster” is such a killer-diller album. Hits from front to back.

REM: Circus Envy

Metal Postcard Records’ Sean Hocking, who put out our first full length One People One Mind One Death, compared us to the Butthole Surfers. Both bands are from Texas and noisy, so that’s fair. I suspect the Surfers had some idea of what they were doing when they recorded their craziest stuff; tbh The Crabs have no idea what we’re doing, so any imitation is unintentional in this regard. But I’m pleased about the comparison nonetheless. El Borko claims Gibby Haynes stole his wallet and that was why he had to leave Austin. I love “Electriclarryland.”

Butthole Surfers: The Lord Is a Monkey

The Crabs would love to do a garage revival album, a la The Mummies, the Oblivians, or the Gories, but neither El Borko or The Haircut have been able to ape that sound yet. We’ll keep practicing and recording until we do. Or until we give up in frustration. Playing music is hard! The Mummies’ classic live show on a San Francisco public access in 1991 is tough to beat. Our first live show we wrapped ourselves in toilet paper as an homage to this, but by the end of the second song it had all dissolved due to our sweat and we played the next song mostly naked with little bits of wet tp clinging desperately to our bodies. Then they threw us out of the Sweet Frog.

Thank you very much Magnum P’U

The wonderful debut lp by the legless crabs can be downloaded and streamed from all major sites including Metal Postcard Bandcamp site

here is the spotify link .

A fine album from 2020 – Graham Domain Jigsaw Of Memory

I lost myself in the moment of sublime sadness a moment when only crab apples can refute the knowledge to fly as it hurtled towards the gaggle of nuns walking proudly as they chatter about the existence of god as a young lad preteen and trouble rebels against the catholic faith that he is being force fed , and then you remember the hot beating sun  beating down on your bright blonde hair 8 years old plastic sandals on your feet in case some unruly sod has decided to break bottles in the public paddling pool in the childhood haven of Taylor park .. what the hell am i going on about . surely this is a review of the latest release by that Manchester songsmith Graham Domain not the memories of my childhood . well actually both for that is what this fine piano instrumental album brings forth ,maybe it is that and the lack of sleep and the incredibly uncomfortably hot and humid weather we are being handed down by the god i no longer believe in, maybe it is the magic that Graham weaves with his wand like fingers ..why mention the weather .. because i am English and so is Graham. which actually is probably very relevant for Graham Domain is one of those musical English underground eccentrics that really does not deserve to be underground at all and the type the Australian Metal Postcard Records label like to release to little fanfare ,
Graham for indeed wanders his own path paying little attention to the average mediocrity the general with it, we are hip ,we are cool, will lap up as some mediocre bequiffed journalist will tell them they must have it in a glowing review the album does not deserve  but the record label had the money behind it to pay for a advert for it in his sadly popular but not very good blog ,clickbait for aural masturbater’s  i call it., but i once again wander off the beaten track ,not unlike Graham himself does with his strange beguiling tunesmithery a man to wrapped up in his muse to notice that people are not quite grasping the journey he is attempting to lead us on .. but not to worry Graham they will .it is only a matter of time before your magic hits home ,not unlike the thrown crab apple connecting with the back of the head of one of those wandering nuns.

SOMETIMES Billy Fury Will Save The Day

Sometime Billy Fury will save the day , 10 tracks of sublime genius ,some written by him some not ,some hits other not but all worthy to lose yourself in . .it’s a Sunday after all . the most nostalgic of days. i could write about them and tell you what they mean to me .but they deserve much better than i could write , so i will not . just lose yourself in the pop magic instead .

1- In My Room

2 – I Call For My Rose

3 -Turn My Back On You

4 -Baby How I Cried

5 Fascinating Candle Flame

6 I Belong To The wind

7 Don’t Knock Opon My Door

8 Suzanne In The Mirror

9 Bumblebee

10 -Fury’s Tune

Writings about the Onion King Tapes vol 1- 7

I have been releasing a number of free to download eps of our pre bordellos days ,even though it was the bordellos we were not called the bordellos yet the band consisted of myself Gary Storey on bass and Ant Shea on drum machine ,which he used to play like a type writer as we had not a clue how to program it , a strange band .. also, Dan made guest appearances on some of the songs as a part time member around this time he would have not even been a teenager and would later join the band as a 14-year-old when the other three members had left but had not yet joined at this point. . all these songs were recorded on a 4-track tape recorder .normally on a Friday night in a various stage of drunkenness’. in the late 90’s early noughties ,very great days a lot of fun and a very talented band that really did not take themselves seriously as these 4 track tapes show . . so here goes the run down .
Sleep tight
A song that was a love song to my wife and quite a beautiful simple one it is   ,that is the song i am on about not my wife ,although she is beautiful there is nothing simple about her ,believe me. this song was influenced by both Julian Cope and the Searchers , two of my favourite all time artists and i would have loved The Searchers to record this , i love Gary’s bass solo in this . i honestly think that Gary is a bass playing great and should be seen and recognised as one but instead he is driving taxi’s in the Lake district , there is no justice in this business of rock n roll .
The Hurting Kind
maybe this is the best song i have written ,who knows , we have recorded it a number of times over the years ,this being the first , the best version being on our Free Music day mini lp with Dan singing it . we also recorded a version for our debut lp Songs For Swinging Stalkers which had a slightly Psych Syd Barrett feel about it. a song about missing someone you once were in love with who is no longer around for whatever reason . i wrote this with Roy Orbison in mind to record ..
For A Hit
The first of many songs i have written about the music business ,this one about the frustrations in trying to get signed by a label and the hoops and phoniness it involves ,it shows how old this song is as it mentions sending demo tapes ,who sends demo tapes to labels anymore . how old we are and still trudging on , i remember writing this song as it just came out as one big rant ,Dan recently said i do not write songs i spew them out .which i think is fairly accurate . i remember turning up on the Friday and saying to Gary i have a song i play the D chord can you just rip off the bass riff to Start by the Jam ,which he did and we recorded it.
Sweet Willow
A song i wrote after bumping into a old school friend who told me he was obsessed by a willowy woman ,who he did not know at all , but would follow her around in his dinner hour from work and they travelled on the same bus ,and how he would stay on past his stop just to stare at her . quite creepy ..the bus mentioned in the song the 352 is actually the bus one gets when travelling to Wigan from St Helens . a not so interesting timetable fact. .


Let’s play Snow White
A slightly psychotic song about a serial killer who dresses up as Snow White to kill people ,a song that should be made into a film perhaps , this song used to freak out Dan when he was a child ,so we never used to play it much when i brought him to rehearsals , i think this song has a middle eastern feel about it i do not know why maybe it is Garys fine bass riff.
Who will Be the Next In Line
another one of the early gems i think ,a song very influenced by Scott Walker ,the sort of song he might have covered on his Scott Sings from his tv series ,well in my wishful thinking mind anyway , it includes one of my favourite lines i have written “the ashes in the fire are the songs i wrote for you” another song of heartbreak ,which features yet another stunning bass line from Gary.
Let Me Be your Lighthouse
yet another song dealing with yearning and wanting the one you cannot have that once again hints at stalking , a recurring theme in my songs ,probably due to the fact in my early 20s i was stalked for a couple of years by a poor lady with mental health issues ,these images crop up in lyrics which i never actually noticed at the time of writing .but do now listening back . strange how that happens . .
again, in the running for the best song i have written a simple ballad i wrote with Cilla Black in mind to record and i still think could be a hit today for the right arist . a lovely melody and fine pop heartbreak lyrics “You’ve got me running in circles ,circles that you no longer hang around”
Please Let It Be Time to Raise My Periscope
written whilst walking to work in my head ,as it poured down with rain one Monday morning and it sounds like it, the sound of a man pissed off but resigned to his fate . i think this has a Rem feel about it ,maybe it is Ant’s high-pitched harmony vocals that has a bit of the Michael Stipes about it ,we used to be quite good at harmonies in the early days and this i think shows that off
Soft Get smile
i actually remember writing this one , it was influenced by Beck a great deal ,although i do not think you can tell that ,i wrote this in the kitchen of the house we were living at the time as i waited for the tea to cook and my wife tried to get our daughter to sleep , i suppose myself playing guitar and singing in the kitchen was not much of a help in that task . this again features a wonderful bass line from Gary and a song we went onto rerecord years later in a slower fashion for our Kassette album .  with Dan playing the bass .
T Rex song
a simple throw away pop song we recorded while waiting for Gary to show up , i remember writing this after hearing the first Black Rebel Mortorcycle Club album . why i remember that i do not know ,i also then remember taking Dan to the garage for some pop and crisps after writing it and it was a sunny day .
Queen Victoria
An accapella track , need i say more . defiantly had too much alcohol whilst recording this one why on earth otherwise would we think that it would be a good idea to attempt a strange folk barber shop hybrid . thinking back it is a shame we never attempted this live .as it could have been memorable ,for all the wrong reasons but still memorable.
Not actually much of a song , but it does have a nice feel to it and a track i like , i like Ants keyboards and i like the melody but the lyrics are pretty crap ,i think this is probably unfinished and meant to go back and change the lyrics but we recorded so much stuff never got around to redoing it.
we of course went on to rerecord this one and became our debut single ,saying that there is not much difference the rerecorded version had a added middle 8 and was more dynamic sounding but that version was not recorded drunk on a 4 track tape recorder like this little pixies like punk lo-fi gem was.
On How to Be Dumb
another early song we went on to rerecord on a 32 track ,the rerecorded version i admit is better than the 4-track version included here , the version here is a folk strum along with a very young Dan joining in with the vocals i would say he would be about 9 or 10 . this version is so different to the 9 minutes long psych monster that appeared on the Meet The Bordellos album , but this version has an extra verse which i cut out for the rerecorded version and a certain charm i like.
So You
My favourite track on ep 4 ,once again featuring a rather marvellous bass line from Gary and a song that has a certain sultry feel ,if sultry is the right word probably not , but has a certain feel and i really also like the lyrics and my vocal which makes a change as i am not a fan of my singing on the whole ,which i know i am not in the minority in .
Too Old for Lovebites
The song we used to finish our live set with in the Onion King days and also we used to finish the set with in our 6 piece Bordellos rock n roll monster line up ,were it developed into a psych shoegaze comedown classic ,sadly we never did record a version in that form .but did do another version for our Songs For swinging Stalkers album which is superior to this original 4 track recording .another hell of a bass line .
Road movie
ramshackle is the word , one of the first songs we recorded on 4 track if i remember correctly and also another one that made the Onion King live set list ,but dropped by the time we became the bordellos .which is a shame as it was a fine strange pop song and as a 6 piece could have been a bit of a power house of a track. live.
Those Days
co-written by myself and a bloke my sister was seeing at the time , in fact i think he plays guitar on it and i sing and Gary plays bass , i also like how the song stops when someone phones ,and being the ever professional never go back and do another version . a sweet little song.
young And Stupid Then
i really like this one for some reason .i like the melancholy feel of the tune and lyrics a song that captures the beauty and sadness and memories of a first love that is long gone and replaced by the reality of life.


My Speeding Train
One of my better lyrics and a song we have recorded a number of times ,but each time with a different tune and different style , this maybe the version i am happiest with although not completely happy with , there is a version on our Life love And Billy Fury album which also is quite good . a slower version . a song about growing up in a working-class town and being seen as a weirdo because you dress and behave in a way other people think strange ,a experience i can imagine a lot of people who read this will have experienced and maybe still are . this version is influenced by early Teardrop Explodes.
weird K
another love song to my wife and one of my finest compositions and again a song we have recorded on a number of occasions . the best version being found on our Ronco Revival Sound album and also the song performed most live we used to do it in the onion king live days ,then was dropped when the other three joined as it was probably not rock n roll enough, but when they left we started to do it again. so ,when we do a set no doubt this song will be in it. .this is the first recorded version i think i still have .
Jesus Wears An afro
the band Love was a big influence on this song and another song that is better than any recorded version we have done of it , the version i like best can be found on the Huckleberry in The Kingdome of The Broken-hearted album ,which again is not great but not bad . a bit like this version . but a fine song none the less .
when We Sleep
this is a bit of a nothing song , quite nice but no more .me trying to write a Lilac Time like song and if the Lilac Time did it may have been better .
Little Bird
My favourite track from all of the tapes so far ,and one of my favourite ever recordings a song we rerecorded in a much inferior form for Our songs For Swinging Stalkers album , that version was speeded up and came across like the EELS trying to do a cod Beatles track with a really pointless slide guitar solo in it , this version is lo-fi 4 track perfection , i remember doing this live in a set at the Sound in Liverpool some years back and being complemented not just on the set but on this song in particular by the lead singer of clinic ,who was doing a dj set that night . there was talk of us doing some support slots for them that sadly did not happen .
Who’s to Blame
not me guv .. this version is ok ,a bit rushed not quite all there with the lyrics ,some fine guitar from Gary almost Johnny Marr like and good keyboard riff from Ant , my vocals are shit . we went on to record a much better version on our Ronco Revival Sound lp with rejigged lyrics and slightly slowed down with Dan taking over the keyboard riff and Gary driving a taxi in the lake district .
another case of the song being better than the recorded version ,this i feel again in the right hands could be a hit single ,simple lyrics of love and a fine melody for the chorus .it has Robbie Williams name written all over it . he should do a version.
Obviously Voodoo
this is actually from a tape of Onion King rehearsing , there is a 4-track version somewhere . but where i do not know .so this slightly off kilter rehearsal version will have to do , a song i have always liked and never really did anything with .
all these tapes are free to download so please feel free to do so.

Ed Sheeran Does Well out Of It…

Sometimes you feel like you are wasting your time writing in a blog that nobody reads about music nobody listens to ,but that is the culture of the day the creatives create for the people to ignore and other creatives are far too busy creating to be bothered about listening or writing about what other artists are creating who in turn will be creating art to be ignored by other people it is like one big circle of pointlessness , but as far as pointless circles go it is one of life’s better circles. The music business is a funny thing but one that supplies few laughs it is inhabited by all kinds of human beings [and i am giving some the benefit of the doubt that they are indeed human as humans are supposed to have souls and empathy and sometimes they are in short supply and been replaced by ego and greed and self-interest  . The music biz [i shall call it biz as it is hit and miss whether i spell business correctly ] is a strange thing one i like to mostly keep on the outskirts of occasionally dipping in a toe to taunt the piranhas who swim around and hunt in it , it is full of predators they may be sexual  who like nothing more than to promise a backstage pass in exchange for some tongue action [and i am not on about the kind of tongue your mother used to serve up with a salad at tea time on a Sunday in the 70s] or a radio play for $50 on some obscure internet station that the only people who listen to it are the people who payed $50 for the song to be played .  or to be featured on an airplay chart for a extra $25 .just so the artist can boast to their 2000 likers on facebook who in fact do not even know what the band’s music sound like or even more to the fact care they only liked the band because someone asked them to  .they can boast about featuring on a made up airplay chart that nobody gives a shit about. self-gratification is rife in the biz it boosts one’s ego if you keep lying to yourself that you are achieving something and people care maybe one day you will come to believe it and in turn others will as well.
There is still a pretty penny to be had in the music business or so they tell me i do not know anyone who has made a pretty penny or indeed a plain looking one in this music business ,maybe it is because i associate with people who release bordellos music ,not exactly a get rich quick scheme is it . i am sure PR’S make some money sending badly written lies about some band/artist they are being paid to promote to blog writers who are not being paid to write about them , the crap the pr’s get away with every artist they send is critically acclaimed ,they never say by who ,maybe it is the bands mum ,who once uttered that one was a bit of a toe tapper , it would be lovely if they just sent you the music with this is what i am being paid to send to you this week , here is a press release just in case you have not got enough brain cells to form an opinion on what it sounds like  .so you can just reprint the press release and call it a review . .  i have now just reached the point in this writing that i no longer know what the point was in the first place ,maybe it was because i am bored and currently do not feel the urge to go and record some more songs for people not to give a crap about or maybe i thought i would write a thought provoking piece that will provoke no thought apart from what was the point of that and that is 5 minutes i will not get back ,not that it matters anyway as nobody .well not nobody 6 people read my last one, will read it anyway . like very few people listen to my music .which is fair enough if i could be bothered to go on spotify why would i listen to a whining middle-aged git with a untuned guitar sing about how shite something is when i can listen to that gob shite Noel Gallagher and his hapless Turkey’s [or whatever they are called] .. see i am still typing and saying nothing .. which in fact could well appeal to a mass audience as Ed Sheeran does well out of it…